| Fabvillas Travel Tips |
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| Have you done the mind reading course? |
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| The first time the wife and I travelled to Florida in order to visit Disney World.
Up to the point of departure and to be perfectly frank, I wasn’t exactly over enamoured with the actual idea of going to the USA. My thoughts or preconceptions, Mickey Mouse, Disney World, MGM.Studios,Epcot, all plastic, credit card heaven, violence and personal safety issues. Suitcases packed, clutching tickets and paperwork we arrived at the Virgin Atlantic counter at Gatwick airport. “Any chance of an upgrade we asked” Only by payment we were told so we paid up £65 then, its gone up a bit since then though. We had secured a comfortable seat for the next 9 hours. Looking forward now, to getting to our luxury vacation villa right in the heart of Disney World and all that the tourist attractions area has to offer. Arriving at Orlando International airport we went through the rather daunting, (the first time usually is), immigration procedure. Is this what the American dream is all about? I was dreaming by now of a comfortable nights sleep in our advertised as Florida luxury vacation rental villa in the heart of Disney World and all that Florida has to offer. Every conversation ending with “Have a nice day” Things have changed since 9/11. Nowadays you might get a grunt, passed of as a modicum of acknowledgement, if they are in a friendly mood. Strange arrangement, you clear immigration, collect your luggage then progress to customs then take the luggage approx 50yards where it is taken from you and placed on a conveyer belt to the other side of the airport. Hopefully! You may get lucky and get one of the highly trained spaniel “sniffer” dogs, going over your luggage and personal bits. Looking for fruit and meats, being brought in by Brits, to satetheir desires for pork sausages and good old proper English bacon. Bet is wasn’t like this on Ellis Island? There was the wife and I, two hours later waiting in an empty baggage collection point Section B, waiting for our worldly chattels to arrive. Orlando International airport can be a very lonely place. We thought we had entered the twilight zone. Cue eerie music. How much longer have we got to hang around this place. We want to get to our vacation villa? The Virgin reps approached us and asked if we were experiencing a problem? I assumed that they must have undergone a mind reading course as part of their training! A few phone calls later and the luggage arrived. By now it was dark! We had arrived in the sunshine state in brilliant sunshine. We still had to pick up our pre-booked car, unfortunately and believe me, you do learn by your mistakes, our car hire company was off airport. Never again. So we struggle with the luggage onto the courtesy bus and struggle off again at the other end. Feeling tired and weary we come across the insurance salesman of the year and harbinger of woeful tales relating to tourist related accidents in the vacation villa rental areas of Florida USA. Now scared witless we have just laid out enough money on the credit card to practically cover the USA national debt and were grossly over insured. Now to top it all off its starting to rain. Oh! Joy of joys. Strange car, strange country, dark and raining and about to embark on our journey to find our accommodation, to top it all off were going to be driving on the wrong side of the road.The comprehensive map showing Disney World and Universal Studios as the hub but where is my villa situated? The directions imparted by the insurance king were as much use as a chocolate teapot. We needed to find highway 192 and our accommodation advertised as only 5 minutes from Disney at Indian Ridge, Kissimmee, our luxury vacation rental villa that was to be home from home for the next three weeks quietly awaited us. Nowadays the whole area is noted as being the vacation rental villa Mecca and everybody know how to get there. Leaving the car rental area we turn right and right again and access the 417 Greenway toll road. Almost immediately we come upon a toll booth. Stop and offer a $50 note. Well nobody advised me to get some low denomination notes or change did they?Its still raining and the cloud is still over my head as well as Florida generally.Then the wife chips in with a gem, as women usually do at these times, “I told you to get some change.” Expletives deleted and wheels spinning we exit the toll area and head for the next one. I am better prepared for this one, now holding $10 in quarters and the rest in $1 dollar bills.Was this operator having a go at me, or what? I pull up, pay the fee and ask where should I turn or exit for Hwy 192, get the info and off we go again. Following these explicit instructions we immediately get lost. Now it’s still dark, raining and the car is misting up with the steam coming out of my ears. We are now sitting in a cul-de-sac studying the next to useless attraction area map supplied by the car hire firm.The wife is now becoming neurotic about being mugged, raped or whatever. The area around us is suddenly engulfed in a myriad of flashing lights, a disembodied metallic voice booms out stay in the vehicle. Close encounters of the 3rd kind springs to mind and we have only been here 4 hours and were being abducted. Is this for real or is it Disney, a phrase we would use many times during our stay. What looks like a Baden Powell clone approaches the car his hat covered in plastic. I wind down the window am I glad to see it’s a cop. “Are you lost?” he enquires, immediately I knew he had also attended the Virgin Atlantic mind reading course as well. We tell him where we are heading for the 192 and hopefully to find our rental villa he knew the area well and he says “Follow me sir, I’ll put you in the right direction. Thank heaven for that. He realised that we were obviously tourists by the number plate on the car, its all changed now but then was a magnet for car-jackers and those that preyed on tired and naïve tourists. We finally arrive at the villa and what a relief. Yes its luxurious its close to Disney World and we are Happy although I started out Grumpy First thing put on the kettle and have a cuppa, but you knew that didn’t you? Have you done the mind reading course as well? |
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